Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Reasons to Move in with Someone

I am in a total funk with blogging lately so I referenced this old post of mine for a random topic, and I the topic was reasons to move in with someone.  Here goes nothing!

Room Mates:
Reasons to move in with a room mate are easy.  You want to save money, and you get along mostly with the other person/people who also live there.  I have had a load of room mates in my day, and it is funny how no matter how well you get along with someone else, it isn't necessarily an indicator of how well you will get along as room mates.  You really need to find someone who has the same room mate expectations as you in regards to social and housekeeping scenarios.

If you are a slob, living with a neat freak is going to be a challenge on at least one of you.  If you just want to share a roof and nothing else and the other person wants a built in bff, that might be awkward.  If you work late nights and your roomie has to be up at 6am, that might be annoying with the noise/lifestyle differences. 

I think everyone should be a room mate at some point in their life.  I think it gives you crucial skills in regards to communicating and compromising.  Plus it is usually a pretty good deal financially.

Moving in with your lover:

I am not a big fan.  I was brought up with the notion that you don't live with a significant other until you are married.  Yeah it is old school, but it was an important thing to my Mom and all parties involved in judging my life, so that was that.  Honestly though, I was never super serious with anyone long enough for me to want to take that step, so it all kind of worked out.  Plus, I like my own space.  I miss it.  lol. 
Am I against it?  I can't say yay or nay because every situation is different.  When I see Jenelle from Teen Mom inviting every boyfriend she gets to move in after a month, I am absolutely against.  But nearly everyone I know lived with their now spouses before they were engaged and married(or not).  And it was fine.  We are all adults here.  I think it is probably best if you are in a solid, time tested union before sharing a home with someone.  If only to protect yourself from being emotionally hurt if it doesn't work out/being stuck in a lease you can't get out of.  I know it isn't romantic to think it will end, but without a marriage certificate or a ring on your finger, the other person really doesn't owe you jack and can hit the bricks at any moment - it happens every day, and it is foolish to ignore that fact.  All I suggest is that one be smart about it if you are going to do it.
I wonder though, had Aaron and I lived together before we were married, would we even have made it?  I can't speak for Aaron, but I needed the entire first year to get used to him and how he lives and how to not go insane with his quirks that drive me up the wall.  When I didn't have a marriage forcing me to work it out or be miserable, I might have thrown in the towel because it is too hard to live with a man who leaves EVERY SINGLE cabinet door open every single day.  I am not even sure why one would go into some of those cabinets on a daily basis, but that is where we are at.  When I was dating in my younger years I was pretty quick to bail on people when I didn't see long term potential (or as soon as the 'new relationship' fog had lifted) and I worry that had I been Jenelle and living with them, I'd be too afraid of ending things because I wanted to be nice and not cause a big fuss of having to move, maybe finding a new room mate, and all the drama.  I might be nice enough that I'd stick around so long that I'd be unhappily married to someone who deserves to be with someone who truly thinks they are  I wonder how many people this has happened to?  Scary thought. 

So that is my take on living with people.  Agree or Disagree?  Additional thoughts?  Lay 'em on me!


Optimistic Existentialist said...

I have a roommate and it works out well. It allows me to save money. Plus I have my own room with adjoining bath so I have my privacy when I want it.

Lindsey said...

I agree. I did move in with The Hubs in advance of getting married but we had 100% understanding that marriage was happening.

I had a ring, even though it wasn't my engagement ring it still wasn't taken lightly. I moved away from everyone I knew for this man and I'd say that was a HUGE committment. I still wouldn't recommend it in most situations.

As for roommates...well we've been there. Done that :)

Rachel Zimm said...

I agree with you Natalie. I am so glad I waited til we were married before I moved in with Steve. I had reassurance that he was going to stay with my forever, even after he knew everything about me. Plus, maybe he wouldn't have proposed if he lived with me--why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? :)

Kimberly H said...

I have had a ton of different roommates throughout college/law school and you're so right that friends do not always make great roommates. And one of my best roommates was someone who I wasn't necessarily besties with, but got along well enough with to make the living situation work (freshman year in the dorms, haha). As for living together before you're married, I'm not necessarily against it if you're in a committed relationship, but we personally didn't do it just because of our weird, messed-up long distance marriage. In fact...we're now married and the first time we'll be living together full time is this summer. So I don't know how much my experience is worth, but we didn't live together before marriage.

Sam said...

Oh goodness this post totally brought me back to my old roommate days. I always seemed to have the worst roommates b/c at my college they randomly assigned roommates in the dorms to promote "diversity" instead of allowing us to choose our friends.

I had one roommate that slept with the boy I liked while I was in the shower and she had a boyfriend too (yup, she was one of those.) The other one never cleaned and I swear the same plate that she used on the first night stayed in the sink until we moved out so the fact that I live with Nic now who cleans, cooks, and gives me attention is a huge improvement LOL


Becca {Becoming Adorrable} said...

Oh, this is interesting. I moved in with a boyfriend a few years ago and it was a huge mistake. When I realized I was done, I felt stuck. Not only that, but a tiny one bedroom apartment is a great place to breed resentment.

When my fiance asked me to move in with him I said "Not until I have a ring on my finger!" So, 4 months after he proposed, I moved in, and it's one of the best decisions I've made. So I agree that there needs to be a serious level of commitment, no matter how long you've been together.

Myranda said...

My hubby and I did not live together before marriage and I think it worked perfectly for us, but I know it isn't for everyone. I do agree with having a comittment, because my little sister had a relationship just blow up and she is back with my parents because she had no claim on the apartement so that really sucks. I also LOVE that SNL skit, seriously sooooo funny!

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